Hello blogging world.
Remember me? I started this blogging thing to be cool and what not. Turns out I suck at it, considering my first and only blog was posted in February. Oops.
So, I have come to the conclusion that I'll really only feel the need to blog when I'm:
A) in the mood. and
B) actually have something interesting to talk about.
I don't wanna be like one of those people who posts blogs too often without entertaining information. Or, interesting information. So basically, if its not funny or an easy read...no one is going to read it most likely. So I was going into this thinking it would become like a public diary of some sorts, but it wont be. I'm not consistent enough.
I decided that I wanted to talk about what I hate and love about myself today. Not in a self-loathing, pity-me kind of way, or an I'm-awesome, look-at-me kind of way either. More like, a motivational technique. I think it'll help me see what I need to work on in life to become a better person, which is what this life is all about in my opinion.
So, here it goes. I'm gonna start with the things I hate about myself because I don't want to finish this blog and end up being depressed about myself.
1. I literally have no motivation...at all.
I have this problem called, I'm a fatty. I've been a chubster pretty much my whole life, which is freaking ridiculously stupid. I should get off my butt RIGHT NOW and go run around the block 6 times instead of complaining to you all about my largeness. But will I? No. You'd think that by taking a look in the mirror before I get in the shower would be enough motivation. NOPE. You'd think that looking at all the pictures that my friends have taken of me and posted on facebook and seeing my second chin or my huuuuuuuuge boobs would be enough motivation. NOPE. You'd think that walking up a flight of stairs and getting to the top and halfway panting would be enough motivation. NOPE. Seeing a pattern here? What sucks is that this is the key to aaaaall my problems here. Because you need MOTIVATION to fix problems. But I don't. Which leads us to my next issue...
2. Procrastina......tion.
"UGHHHH....I'll just do it tomorrow." Yeah, pretty much say that every day of my life. This ties in really well with my motivation problem I think. I procrastinate getting motivated to do something. Here's an example: "You watch, I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow and go running and it'll be GREAT!!" But then I find myself on facebook till 2 am, saying: "eh, I'll just go to bed early tomorrow and start my good habits then..." Here's another example. My lovely sister and her lovely husband bought this lovely thing called insanity and they let me borrow it. Like, a month ago. And up until a couple days ago, it was sitting in the exact same spot as the day I got it. Why did it get moved a couple days ago you ask? Because Alexie knew I wasn't/wouldn't use it, so she took it back. "I was going to use it tomorrow I swear!!" I said. Yeah....who am I trying to kid.
3. I get really really defensive....fast.
I don't even think I need to talk about this one. Everyone has seen this scary side of me in action on facebook. The thing about me is that I'm a fairly confrontational person. If you say or post something that I don't agree with, I'll be sure to tell you my opinion. Not gonna lie, being opinionated could also be a good thing. Being able to speak your mind lets people know that you can't just walk all over them. But sometimes, I take it a little too far. I have trouble remembering that everyone is entitled to their opinion. That's the thing about opinions. No one is right, not even me. This is why I sometimes don't get along too well with people like me, who aren't afraid to defend their opinion. Once I see someone who's defending thier opinion against mine, for some reason my brain sees it as a malicious attempt to degrade my own thoughts and an effort to make me look and feel stupid. Which is where the defensiveness kicks in. I get super angry and start saying boarder line hurtful things, just to 'prove that I'm right'. Sometimes I like to blame it on others by saying it's a 'Gubler trait' when in reality, its mostly just me. Sigh.
and 4. I over think EEEEEEEEVERYTHING.
This one is going to be hard to explain, because I don't even fully understand it myself. It is something so irrational and sooooooo stupid, but I cant seem to understand it. If I understood it, then maybe it'd be easier to overcome it. But for some reason, I cant. So here's an example. I work at Bed Bath and Beyond in St George, and for the time being I live 25 minutes away in La Verkin. EVERY DAY I HAVE TO WORK, I worry I'm going to be late. EVERY FREAKING DAY. "What if my engine blows up again?" "What if there's a car crash on the freeway?" "What if there is tons and tons of slow traffic?" I know I know, it sounds AND IS really really silly. But yes, I really do think of those every time I have a shift. Or, if I'm communicating with a boy. "Okay, I'm gonna add him on facebook. WAIT! No...I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with him..." *20 minutes later* "Okay, I'm really gonna do it." then I do it. "CRAP. WHAT DID I JUST DO?! HE'S GONNA THINK I'M A STALKER FREAK!" a couple days later, he uploads a picture. "He looks really cute in this....I should comment on it. NO. I'll just like it. That's playing it safe. I don't want him to think I like him or anything." The next day, I see he's online. "HE'S ONLINE! I HAVE to talk to him.... 'hey _____! :)'....nope. that's too eager.....how about just 'hey'.....nah, that's too bored sounding. maybe I should say something funny like 'uh, your shoelace is untied.' NO NO NO its so obvious that I'm trying too hard. Okay okay, I'll just do a simple ':) hey'. *SEND*.................................................... holy balls, its been two minutes and he hasn't responded, he obviously hates me. I'm obviously creeping him out." When in reality, he's logged off by now. And if you take a look at what I just said in a normal person's perspective, I was simply adding a friend, liking his profile picture and catching up with him on facebook chat. see what I mean? I know its stupid. Trust me, I really honestly do know I'm being ridiculous. If you know a way to help me get over this stupid problem I have PLEASE let me know. PLEASE.
Okay, so that's the end of the negative. Now I'm gonna tell you what I have found to like about myself.
1. I think I have a pretty okay sense of humor sometimes....I dunno.
I really do like making people laugh. Sometimes at the expense of others, mostly family. Growing up in a family like mine, you HAVE to have a sense of humor. Otherwise you'd be the most depressed human on this planet. I think that's why the Gublers have strong back bones most the time. We get a lot of crap at home, but its all in good fun and I seriously love spending time with my family. In all honesty though, I think I make myself laugh more than I make other people laugh most the time. Oh well.
2. Things I've gotten compliments on...
Even though I've got probably a thousand more pounds on me than I need, there are a few physical features that turned out okay. People seem to like my eyeballs and eyelashes, which I got from my mother. So I don't take any credit for them, I just consider myself lucky to have them. My hair gets some comments, which I think is kinda weird because it looks the same nearly every day. But I do work hard to make it look healthy and presentable, so that's always nice to hear. My smile gets complimented, but I give the credit to my dentist and Crest. People tell me I smell good a lot, so I thank my shower and Bath and Body Works for that. And deodorant.
3. I will always be there for you.
Always. Being a true friend isn't and shouldn't be a casual thing. It's a privilege, and a promise. I'll try my hardest to be your friend even when its inconvenient. I'll try my hardest be your friend no matter how far away you live. I'll be the listener when you need to vent. I'll be the bearer of good and bad news when you ask me for advice because I genuinely care about you. I will laugh with you. I will most definitely cry with you (because I am THE biggest baby). I know everything happens for a reason, and God brought me to you for a purpose. So I will try my hardest to make this life easier or happier for you in some way. And when we die, we'll be the same, if not better friends than we are now. It is an honor to be your friend. And I consider it a blessing.
Well folks, that's all for now :)....maybe I'll go running? eh, its too late, I'll just do it tomorrow.
in the mean time, enjoy this lovely video of me and Jessica....she'll kill me if she sees this.
wowza. this is much longer than I expected. (that's what she said).
:) stay pretty.
No comments:
Post a Comment